John Carpenter’s The Thing is About … Diabetes?

People like to read into things. That’s especially true in the realm of horror, where fans tend to dig deep into their favorite movies for any signs of “secret” subtext. How many fan theories revolve around Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining adaptation, for example? Some camps are convinced it’s furtively about everything from the genocide of indigenous peoples in North America to a moon landing hoax. Name a horror movie, any horror movie, and there’s probably more than one theory out there about the film’s alleged “hidden” meaning.

John Carpenter’s works have long been favorite fodder for cinema deconstructionists. That’s not surprising, considering how politically and socially cognizant his films are. They Live, Prince of Darkness and even Halloween have been assessed and analyzed in countless academic papers; where others see simple popcorn thrills, they see salient commentary on class structure, homelessness and feminist schools of thought.

Compared to most of Carpenter’s films, his beloved remake of The Thing seems fairly straight forward. Researchers stranded on an Antarctic base, coming face to face with an alien menace that defies size, shape or form? It’s your standard matinee creature feature gore-a-thon and nothing deeper, right?

Well … maybe not.

As amorphous as the monster in The Thing is, it’s only fitting that its metaphorical context runs the gamut from nuclear war paranoia to a parable for the then-emerging AIDS crisis. But when you really look at the film as a whole, could The Thing be read as an allegory for one of the most prevalent chronic diseased in American society?

Have the Metformin handy — The Thing very well could be a film secretly about diabetes.

And no, it’s not just because the late Liberty Medical spokesman Wilford “Dia-beet-us” Brimley is one of its stars. 

Let’s start with the basics on what diabetes actually is. As the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention puts it, diabetes is a condition in which an individual’s body doesn’t produce enough insulin or their cells stop responding to insulin altogether. And that results in too much glucose (which isn’t the same thing as sugar, mind you) remaining in the bloodstream — which, consequently, can lead to serious medical complications, including blindness, limb amputations and even death.

You might wonder what that has to do with John Carpenter’s The Thing. Long story short? Potentially everything … maybe.

What the eponymous Thing is and how it spreads form human host to human host is perhaps intentionally vague. With no clear-cut way to determine if a character is outwardly infected, the suspense and distrust is omnipresent throughout the film. At any point in the movie, anyone or anything COULD be The Thing. Canonically, however, there is one way to determine if someone is infected. 

Maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t the finger-prick blood draw scene remind you a LOT of the traditional insulin test method for diabetics? Hell, the flamethrower coil even acts like a glucose monitor; in fact, you could read The Thing’s lone vulnerability to fire as an analogue to insulin itself.

So there are a lot of diseases that can only be proven via blood tests. But let’s take a closer look at the symptoms for people infected by The Thing in Carpenter’s film.

Take the demise of Palmer. Once he’s exposed as a Thing carrier, what’s the very first thing that happens to him? His eyes literally explode — a potential reference to diabetes-induced blindness?

Pretty much all of The Thing victims in the film experience some form of grotesque swelling. Sure, it could be a convenient excuse to showcase those rad bladder effects, but did you know that edema — i.e., severe fluid retention and build-up — is a common side-effect of diabetes?

And what about Norris? Not only does he seemingly “die” from a heart attack, what happens when his colleagues break out the defibrillator in an ill-advised attempt to revive him? That’s right, dismemberment via alien-possessed chest cavity.

Not that heart disease and limb amputations are common consequences of diabetes, of course. 

And what about all those iconic — and undeniably gruesome — monster effects? OK, so maybe diabetes won’t make your head sprout spider legs and crawl off your shoulders, but a lot of the post-Thing infection symptoms do seem fairly reminiscent of typical diabetes complications.

Grotesque sores and pustules? That’s bullosis diabeticorum — a.k.a., diabetic blisters. Nor is it the only icky skin condition that can be caused by diabetes. There’s also aconthosis nigricans — dark patches that usually crop up along bodily creases, like the armpit — and necrobiosis lipoidica, which can turn human skin into blotches of hardened, bloated flesh. 

Sudden, reddish-brown pimples popping up all over your body? No, you haven’t been assimilated by The Thing — it’s a common diabetic condition called eruptive xanthomatosis. And if you’re wondering about the onset rigidity and immobility of Thing victims, the condition is eerily similar to digital sclerosis — a diabetes complication that not only results in stiff and painful joints, but a calcification of the skin that can spread throughout the body. Sound familiar?

Here’s another interesting aspect of The Thing. The creature takes several ghoulish forms throughout the movie, but you may have noticed something peculiar about the monster’s mouth. Not only does it have yellowy teeth — and remember, diabetes can lead to enamel loss — but hey, where’s the drool? Seemingly every ‘80s monster movie was a walking slobber factory — except The Thing. Well, just so you know, one of the most common side-effects of diabetes is xerostomia — the inability to produce adequate amounts of saliva. Not even the Kennel-Thing seems to avoid dry mouth, and it’s like 90 percent mouth. And it’s host body belonged to a dog, to boot. How interesting.

Maybe you’re convinced. Maybe you’re still skeptical. But if The Thing is accidentally a metaphor for diabetes, it’s also a coincidental cautionary tale about diabetes prevention. 

Take a look at the researchers. Since it’s Antarctica, their recreational opportunities are rather limited. And the dietary choices have to be woefully unhealthy, too. So with virtually no exercise outlets — not to mention copious drinking and smoking to deal with the boredom — the characters in The Thing tend to gravitate towards extreme sedentary behaviors. Which makes the cast not only ideal prey for The Thing, but prime candidates for diabetes while they’re at it.

Even that icy wasteland backdrop may have some veiled meaning. Since the human body narrows blood vessels in extreme cold, individuals with diabetes find themselves at even greater risk. As one 2020 study put it? “Cold-induced thermogenesis appears related to insulin resistance.”