Julie Pacino’s I Live Here Now is a heady nightmare of a film. A story that takes place almost in a dream space and dissects the various aspects of its lead character’s life and personhood. From life in the entertainment industry to romantic partners to exploring the scar tissue left behind from childhood trauma, this film breaks apart everything that our lead character has experienced in her life and asks her to reexamine it before putting herself back together.
Rose (Lucy Fry) is an aspiring actress. She has been seeking out a living and finally has the opportunity to audition for one of the major Hollywood talent agents. The same week, she discovers, to her utmost surprise, that she is pregnant. She is shocked by the news because a traumatic operation she underwent as a child left her with the understanding that she could never get pregnant. It has been a cold hard fact her entire life, and now, miraculously, it is proven to be false. When she breaks the news to her boyfriend Travis (Matt Rife), his reaction (as is his mother’s, played to perfection by Sheryl Lee) is less than ideal. Rose decides she needs some time to herself, so she gets an abortion pill from a family planning clinic and heads to a hotel for a few days to think things through on her own.
You would think that the pregnancy and the following decision would be enough for her to deal with for one week, but you would be wrong. In her attempt to seek some alone time, Rose finds herself crossing an imperceptible boundary. From the moment she arrives at the Crown Inn, reality begins to bend. It is only a matter of time before it breaks apart completely. Her stay here is a mixture of an examination of her past trauma and how it came to shape her, a nightmare fueled by her present circumstances, and a question concerning how these elements add up to make her what she will be from here on out. As she examines these pieces, she has the opportunity to change how they affect her and what she will become in the future.
Lucy Fry inhabits a very complex character to perfection. Rose is going through a lot, and we experience all of it. Not just the strange circumstances she encounters at the Crown Inn, but the weirder, otherworldly nature that brings her past and her present together. She traverses the many emotions of the character in a way that makes them easy to follow and, above all, makes Rose a character that we can identify with and root for. The supporting cast does an amazing job at portraying their own individual characters, while also inhabiting Pacino’s world with consistent elegance. Nobody in this film behaves the way that you expect, and the cast understands the types of performances necessary to bring this strange world to life.
I Live Here Now is both beautiful and weird. Rose’s journey is filled with challenges and self-discovery. This film absolutely won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but for those it does appeal to, there is plenty to dig into. For starters, it is absolutely gorgeous. The vibrant colors (the film was shot on 35mm), the intense lighting, the kitschy set dressing that creates the Crown Inn, and the strange fever dream that we are invited to experience with Rose all come together to build a space that is rooted in reality, but is completely otherworldly at the same time. The combination of the rich colors and the ever-present score (sometimes melodic, and sometimes simply droning chords) overwhelm the senses and bring the audience into this strange and off-balanced world.
Through every step and strange new scene, we are with Rose as she is asked to examine another piece of her past. Her journey is difficult, as she breaks apart where she has come from and what she actually wants. Pacino makes that journey a memorable one with a film that is as challenging as it is beautiful.
Movie Score: 4/5