Life is like a Jolly Rancher. You never know what you’re going to get.
Take the dramatic masterpiece Regretting You, which does have a subplot that revolves around Jolly Ranchers, that takes hold of you in its opening minutes and leaves you with zero–and I mean absolutely zero–regrets. Based on the assuredly Pulitzer-caliber book by Colleen Hoover (“It Ends With Us”), Regretting You is a cinematic epic, a piece of filmmaking so incredible it has to be seen–no, experienced–to be believed.
Yes, it’s absolutely dreadful, but never mind that. It’s also absolutely entertaining, even if for all the wrong reasons.
Regretting You is about a mother (Allison Williams) and her sister’s husband (Dave Franco) whose spouses both die in a car crash–because they were having an affair. There’s a 16-year-old daughter (McKenna Grace) who is grieving too, but also trying to get with the hot popular guy (Mason Thames) who she’s been flirting with. His name is Miller, which is almost as badass as the name Mason.
Listen–I went to this movie because I figured it was right up my girlfriend’s alley, my other [female] friend is usually down for a sappy film like this, and Allison Williams and McKenna Grace (who is now 19, so it’s okay!) are both pleasant to look at. I expected a cheesy romantic drama where you could hear all the women in the dark theater sniffling away at some absurd crap. Not great, but harmless.
I was not expecting for all three of us to be cry-laughing at just how absurdly crappy Regretting You is, enjoying it relentlessly for all of its “so bad it’s good” qualities. Compounded by the fact that there were two old Black women sitting directly in front of his who spent the entire time loudly discussing what was happening–and when does two old Black women narrating a movie not make the experience better?–this was truly one of the most entertaining nights of the year.
The whole movie is just rubbish. The story is just so over the top, and gets increasingly worse as it progresses. I actually liked the central concept–what would you do if you were trying to grieve your dead partners, but knew they had utterly betrayed you?–but screenwriter Susan McMartin, channeling what I assume is Hoover’s trash novel, lays one layer of eye-rolling melodrama after the next. But it’s the execution that really does it in: it feels as though director Josh Boone (The Fault in Our Stars) is constantly racing to the next big moment, while McMartin cuts corners with lines that unintentionally had the audience cracking up (“I’m a virgin!” is awkwardly declared while Clara makes out with her new boyfriend in a movie theater). Williams’ character is tediously obnoxious, while Franco is forced to over-act to try to forge some kind of presence. Grace isn’t bad, but the writing does her no favors. Thames and Grace have good chemistry, too, but their cute budding romance clashes so fully with what is supposed to be a serious and emotional story.
Regretting You is a disaster, but it’s the kind of disaster I almost want to recommend. I truly haven’t laughed this hard at a movie all year–who cares if it isn’t a comedy?–and I laughed pretty good during The Naked Gun. Everyone involved in this production should be embarrassed, but hopefully they can embrace it for what it is: a master-epic of gloriousness. Regret nothing.
Except the Jolly Ranchers.
Review by Erik Samdahl. Erik is a marketing and technology executive by day, avid movie lover by night. He is a member of the Seattle Film Critics Society.